Deal With It
by the-empire-falls
Summary: Slightly AU. Sian falls first. Hard. Will she ever tell Sophie? And how will Sophie react if she does?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Sophie swirled a chip through a blob of ketchup. She bit the top off, steam rupturing out into the cold air. Sian watched her. She watched her tongue flit out and lick the salt from her soft lips. She watched the muscles of her jaw clench and release as she chewed. She watched her blue eyes dart to her own and a coy smile pull at the corners of her lips.

'You're not havin' any,' Sophie told her, putting the rest of the chip in her mouth. 'I know that look.'

Sian rolled her eyes and let herself smile. 'I don't even want any,' she answered, nudging her friend's arm playfully.

The day was cold and there was rain in the air, wisping Sian's hair with light droplets. Her breath steamed out in front of her face as she turned her attention back to Sophie, who continued to eat, oblivious to the attention she was getting. But Sian had been paying Sophie rather a lot of attention lately.

'Ugh, where are they?' Sophie said suddenly, glancing up and down the street before looking sadly at the small collection of rapidly cooling chips she had intended on saving for her boyfriend.

They were waiting for Ryan and Lee, some sort of double date affair that had seemed like such a good idea at the time, but as it approached Sian found herself dreading it more and more. She didn't like Lee. She couldn't really see what Sophie saw in him. He was good-looking enough, sure. But it wasn't like Sophie to pick looks over substance. And substance, Lee had not.

'They said four o'clock,' Sian said, glancing at the time on the phone in her hand - 16:14. She sighed and jiggled her legs against the cold brick she was sat on. 'Lee probably had to wait in for an industrial-sized hair gel delivery,' she muttered.

'Oi!' Sophie said, jabbing Sian in the side. 'Don't even get me started on Ryan's hair,' she warned.

Sian opened her mouth to retaliate, but ended up nodding in agreement. They both had truly ridiculous hair. She sighed audibly.

'What?' Sophie asked.

'Nothin',' Sian answered, frowning in thought. 'Just ... lads. They're kinda stupid aren't they.'

Sophie laughed. 'Yeah,' she agreed.

Sian smiled back at her, flitting her gaze across every nuance of laughter in Sophie's face. Her skin shone and her eyes glistened and her hair was soft and not in the least bit ridiculous. But Sophie's gaze drifted past Sian and down the street, the sight it fell upon causing her to immediately jump up from the wall and smooth down her clothes and hair.

Sian felt a little part of her sink.

'What time d'ya call this?' Sophie demanded of the two boys who were now stood sheepishly in front of her.

'Sorry babe,' Lee said, leaning forwards and pressing a quick kiss to Sophie's cheek. 'Lost my phone.'

Sophie seemed to soften at the gesture.

'Yeah sorry,' Ryan added, directing his own apology to Sian, who shrugged indifferently as she stood up.

'S'alright,' she said.

'Can I have a chip?' Lee asked, noticing the polystyrene box in Sophie's hand as they all began to walk along the street.

Sophie raised an eyebrow at him. 'Er ... no,' she told him incredulously. 'I did save you some but you were late. So ... Sian ate them.'

'I did not!' Sian squeaked.

'Aw ... Sian!' Lee whined. 'I'm starving.'

Sian shot Sophie a glare, which Sophie merely grinned straight back at. Sian shook her head with a smile of her own and purposely knocked her body against her friend's.

'What's the plan then?' Sophie asked, turning her head up to look at Lee.  
'Thought we'd go back to mine,' he said with a smile that dimpled his cheeks. 'My parents are out. We could watch a movie.'

Sian felt something cold and clammy grapple at her hand and looked down to find Ryan trying to grab it with his own. She glanced to her side to see Lee with his arm around Sophie's shoulders and her arm slipped around his waist. She sighed inwardly and opened up her palm to allow Ryan to slide his fingers in between her own.

Lee's house was small and smelt like microwave meals. Sian turned her nose up as soon as she got through the door, looking back at Sophie to see if she had the same reaction. But Sophie seemed unperturbed, stripping herself of her coat and shoes the second she got in through the door and steaming past Lee into the lounge as if she lived there.

Sian watched her go as she let Ryan help her out of her coat and hang it up by the door. 'Ta,' she said vacantly before padding off in search of Sophie. She found her on the sofa, her legs folded beneath her and her elbow resting on the arm. She smirked at Sian when she saw her, patting the space next to her. 'Lee!' she called as Sian tentatively sat down. 'Make us a brew!'

Sian laughed. 'You've got him well trained,' she noted.

'Lads are easy,' Sophie said with a cute shrug.

'You know they're only after one thing though,' Sian reminded her.

Sophie twisted her lips in disgust, 'Well, he can forget about it,' she said. 'I've taken a vow of chastity, remember?'

Sian smiled and nodded. 'Aye, I remember,' she answered, feeling oddly comforted. 'Does he know that?' she asked, jerking her head back in the direction of the hall.

Sophie turned her palms up to demonstrate lack of knowledge. 'Dunno,' she answered. 'If he likes me that much though, it shouldn't matter,' she speculated.

Sian scrunched her face up at Sophie's naivety. 'I'm not sure he'll see it like that.'

'Ladies,' Lee said, entering the room and presenting two cups of tea which he placed on the table next to the sofa. 'I trust you're finding everything to your liking.'

'Cheeky,' Sophie chastised, smacking him playfully on the arm before leaning up to press a swift kiss to his lips. Sian looked away immediately, feeling suddenly awkward.

'Budge up Sian,' Ryan said as he followed Lee into the room. He sat down next to her, forcing her to scoot along the sofa closer to Sophie, until her thigh was pressed against the younger girl's own. Lee looked momentarily crestfallen that there was no room for him, but decided to busy himself with setting up the dvd and drawing the curtains before settling into an isolated armchair on his own.

He flicked at the light switch on the wall behind him and the room went dark, the only light source now coming from the television. It glowed with electricity, casting a high beam of light on the carpet in front of it. Sian let herself turn her head to look at Sophie, the residual glow from the television illuminating her nose and cheeks, and shining in her eyes and glinting off her hair, making her shimmer with some kind of twilight radiance.

Against her leg, Sian could feel heat flowing freely from Sophie's body and she shifted in her seat, unsure why it was making her feel so uncomfortable. As the opening credits finished and the film began, Sophie leaned her body in against Sian, their shoulders and arms touching, and Sian felt like she was on fire. She was vaguely aware of the weight of Ryan's hand on her thigh, but the electric tingling of her skin and the erratic beating of her heart was enough to distract her from it.

She let out a quiet, shaky breath and tried to look back at the television, only to let her gaze drift directly back to Sophie within a few seconds. There was no denying it any more. If she had needed anything to convince her to finally admit it to herself, her veins were coursing with proof right now.

She was attracted to her best friend.

And she had to deal with it.

...


	2. Chapter 2

After a long time turning worries, possibilities and outcomes over in her head, Sian gradually became aware that she had no idea what the movie was about, who the main character was, or why she had been shocked out of her reverie by a collective gasp from the room.

'What?' she asked instinctively, making out three shocked faces in the darkness.

Sophie turned to face Sian. 'She just got pushed off the flamin' building!' Sophie told her, pointing dramatically to the screen.

'Who?' Sian asked, inspecting the television. 'What building?'

'Where've you been for the last hour?' Sophie asked, turning her lips up in a smile.

Sian swallowed nervously. 'Um ... I guess I just, lost track of the plot.'

'Keep it down would ya Sian?' Ryan grumbled from her other side. 'I can't hear what they're saying.'

Sophie rolled her eyes at Ryan's interjection and Sian frowned, leaning back in her seat and trying to concentrate on the screen. She gave up immediately when she felt the tips of Sophie's fingers stroke lightly against the top of her arm. She turned her head and met Sophie's concerned gaze.

'Are you okay?' Sophie asked quietly.

Sian looked down at Sophie's fingers, the way they tickled over the embers of her burning skin. 'Yeah, course. Why?' she said, her voice slightly croaky.

Sophie shrugged. 'You just seem a bit ... distracted. And fidgety.'

Sian's eyes widened. 'Sorry,' she said, folding her arms across her chest as if to trying and wrestle her body still.

Ryan cleared his throat noisily in irritation.

'Oh shut up Ryan,' Sophie said loudly. 'It's not exactly difficult to follow.'

'Sian seems to be having enough trouble,' he muttered, retracting his hand from his girlfriend's thigh. 'She probably can't hear it over your gabbing,' he added.

'Uh, drop dead?' Sophie suggested helpfully, with an earnest raise of her eyebrows.

Lee watched the exchange from his armchair, seemingly amused at how quickly his girlfriend seized opportunities to put Ryan in his place.

Ryan scowled at the television and Sophie extended an arm around Sian's shoulders. Sian's eyes went wide as she felt the tickle of Sophie's fingers trail across her shoulders, and round to rest at the nape of her neck. Her whole body felt like it was on hyper-alert. She could feel every single nerve ending jump to attention and demand that Sian focused on nothing but Sophie's soft ministrations. She felt Sophie gently brush along the wisps of hair that had escaped being gathered up into her ponytail, and then down to where the neckline of her t-shirt began. Her eyes drifted closed.

'Babe.'

The sound of Lee's voice forced Sian's eyes open again. She felt Sophie's fingers cease their movement as she turned her head to look at her boyfriend. 'What?' she asked.

'Come sit over here with me,' he said, jerking his head.

Sophie looked at Sian with a smile that Sian weakly responded to. Sophie stood up, leaving Sian to practically fall into the space she left, and walked over to sprawl across the arm of Lee's chair. Sian's body suddenly felt cold all over, even as Ryan shifted closer and lifted his arm to drape it around her shoulders. She looked dejectedly at the television for a few seconds before standing up abruptly.

'I need some air,' she told Ryan quietly.

He opened his mouth to add words to accompany the confusion on his face, but she left before he could, pacing swiftly through the corridor to the hall and pulling desperately at the front door. She shut the door behind her and leaned heavily against it, rubbing her hand up her forehead and across her hair. The sky was growing dark outside, like a veil had been draped over the repeating shapes of the terraces. Sian shivered as the cold air sank into her skin, prickling the hairs on her arms in their pathetic attempt to keep her warm. She rubbed at them fiercely, stepping forward a few paces and exhaling puffs of steamed breath out into the dark.

She felt completely hollow, like her desire for Sophie was eating away a cavernous hole inside of her. There was no one she could talk to. Usually when she fancied someone Sophie would be the first person to hear about it. And they would discuss it at length. She had never considered the fact that Sophie would ever be the subject of one of these conversations. She could never tell her. Even if Sophie did feel the same way, or even if she was slightly curious, her Christianity forbade the sort of things Sian was feeling.

Sian closed her eyes to the world, willing it to go away.

She heard the door behind her, and she knew who it was even before they spoke.

'Sian?'

Sian opened her eyes and the world came rushing back. She turned to face Sophie, who stood in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest, the breeze picking up her hair and swirling it softly around her face.

'Hi,' Sian answered feebly.

'Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?' Sophie asked grumpily, stepping down from the door step and shutting the door behind her. Sian shuffled over to accommodate her.

'There's nothing wrong, Soph,' she answered.

'Sian, I'm your _best friend_,' Sophie told her, her face conveying all the determination of not letting Sian wriggle out of it. 'I _know_ when something's up. You've been acting dead weird all week. Just tell me.'

Sian squeezed her eyes shut tight, knowing that as much as Sophie wanted to help, the last thing she would want to hear was the truth.

'Is it something I've done?' Sophie prompted.

Sian opened her eyes and shook her head slowly. The lines of Sophie's face were hard, her brow creased slightly, her eyes scanning Sian's face for the truth.

'You haven't done anything,' Sian told her quietly.

'Is it Ryan?' Sophie asked.

Sian swallowed. '... sort of.'

Sophie rolled her eyes and huffed out an exasperated breath. 'I knew it,' she said, more to herself than to Sian. 'What's he done now?'

Sian searched her mind to find something credible to say. Ryan had done lots of stupid things, but for some reason none of them sprang enthusiastically to the forefront of her mind. 'He ... he's just ...' Sian stalled.

Sophie waited expectantly.

'I ... I don't think I like him, you know, _like that_ ... anymore,' Sian answered finally.

Sophie frowned. 'Oh,' was all she said. She appeared to be deep in thought. 'Really?' she asked.

Sian nodded and shook her head in one fluid motion. 'I don't know,' she said. 'I just ... it just don't feel right.'

Sophie furrowed her brow for a few moments before appearing to accept and understand this answer. 'I know what you mean,' she said.

Sian's eyebrows shot up. 'You ... you do?' she asked, her stomach flipping and her fists clenching at the prospect of Sophie possibly deciphering her cryptic answer.

'Yeah,' Sophie nodded. 'I don't know if I like Lee that much either,' she continued.

'Oh ... right.' Sian didn't know whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

'I know I'm _meant_ to like him,' Sophie said, sitting down on the short wall that lined the path to the front door.

Sian reflexively sat down next to her.

'And he's fit an all,' Sophie supposed, looking at Sian. 'But ... it don't feel like, special or anything.'

Sian twitched the corner of her mouth into a sad smile. 'Yeah,' she agreed.

'I thought that being in love with someone is meant to be this ... _thing_ you can't control. Like, you think about them all the time until it feels like you're going crazy,' Sophie explained.

Sian watched Sophie carefully, following the flamboyant hand gestures that accompanied what she was saying, letting her words sink in slowly.

'And all you want to do is kiss them and be with them all the time,' Sophie continued.

Sian's mouth parted slightly as Sophie's description chimed perfectly with her own turmoil.

'And I just don't get that with Lee,' Sophie concluded before waiting for a response from Sian.

'I don't get that with Ryan either,' Sian said, after blinking rapidly and clearing her throat.

Sophie shrugged like she wasn't particularly bothered either way. 'Maybe it's something that happens,' she wondered out loud. 'Over time. If you spend enough time together.'

Sian tilted her head sceptically. 'I don't know,' she replied. 'I think sometimes you just know.'

'Yeah,' Sophie agreed, noticing the flaws in her theory, 'Otherwise you and me would've gotten together by now, the amount of time we spend hangin' out,' Sophie added with a cheeky grin.

Sian's eyes widened and she stuttered due to her sudden lack of an appropriate response.

'Chill out Sian,' Sophie said with an eye roll. 'I'm only kiddin'.'

Sian closed her eyes briefly, trying to siphon off the tears that were threatening to begin.

'Hey,' Sophie said softly, wrapping her arms around Sian and pulling her against her body. 'Don't worry. Just chuck Ryan if you don't like him. It's that simple,' she advised.

Sian pulled back from the embrace, roughly palming a tear from her cheek. 'It's never that simple Soph,' she said sadly.

Sophie looked puzzled, like Sian was speaking a foreign language and she just couldn't for the life of her make out what she was saying. Sophie's hands on Sian's body was too much, and Sian pushed them from her, standing up and wiping away more tears.

'Tell Ryan I've gone home 'cos I don't feel well,' she requested quietly as she backed away from Sophie, who sat regarding the whole peculiar display from her position on the wall.

'Do you want me to walk you home?' she asked, standing up.

Sian shook her head vigorously before turning away and walking briskly down the street.

'I'll text you!' she heard Sophie call after her. She broke into a run.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't be around Sophie when she felt like this. It was tearing her apart.

She knew it now. It wasn't as simple as attraction, and it wasn't a passing teenage crush, as she had previously hoped it was.

It was love.

And it was destroying her.

...


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews :)**

Sian blinked blearily in the soft morning light that pawed at her bedroom curtains. She rolled over within the warm blankets of her bed and reached for her phone. She'd turned it onto silent last night when both Ryan and Sophie had bombarded her with texts and calls. She was physically incapable of actually turning it off, but she needed to shut out the world for a while.

She thumbed the scroll key and systematically deleted each text. Then she ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily, wondering how long she could possibly avoid them both before one of them turned up at her door. She heaved herself up out of the bed, lazily pulled her pyjamas from her body and dragged herself into the shower. She stood beneath the pounding water, staring at the tiles of the wall. She didn't know how long she stood there, letting the water beat against her skin and slosh through her hair and down her front and back.

She had never felt so lost. She didn't like girls. She wasn't _like that_. She didn't think about girls, didn't fantasize about them, didn't get carried away when watching the latest music video from some nobody of the minute writhing around on a beach in a bikini.

But she thought about Sophie.

She thought about her more than she had previously considered possible. She thought about just holding her and kissing her the way Lee did. She thought about just having the chance to tell her she loved her, and hear her say it back.

The water was now raining down cold upon her. It snapped her back to the real world, like the refreshing cold had brought her back to reality. She realised with an icy sting that there was only way that she could possibly deal with the way she was feeling. She was going to have to stop seeing Sophie. At least until this feelings went away.

If they ever did.

She sighed heavily and stepped out the shower, grabbing a towel to dry herself with. She pulled some clothes on and grabbed her phone. Five more missed calls.

'Sian!'

It was her Dad's voice. Loud and urgent and insistent as usual. She was programmed to respond to it, she was sure. She sprung to attention like an army cadet and immediately dashed down the stairs to report for duty. Her Dad was stood in the lounge, holding the phone away from his face. He brandished it in Sian's direction as she swung round into the room.

'It's that girl,' he told her.

Sian stiffened immediately, stopping dead in her tracks as she approached. Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head in panic.

The display seemed to confuse her Dad, who responded by holding the phone closer to her.

'Please Dad ... just say I'm not here,' she begged, her voice cracking.

Her Dad looked at her like she'd said something unfathomably stupid. 'She knows your here,' her told her. 'I just called you.'

'Please Dad,' Sian repeated, tears springing to her eyes, making them shimmer wetly.

Her Dad huffed like this was all a great inconvenience and placed the phone back to his ear. 'She's not here Sophie. Try her mobile.'

Sian heard the other end of the line erupt into a series of high pitched incredulities.

Her Dad looked momentarily taken aback, before Sian saw the anger draw across his face and he shouted back down the phone: 'Look she's not here! You heard wrong!' And with that he slammed the phone back onto its base, and stepped away from it like he was afraid it would start shouting at him again.

Sian stared at the phone, scared of much the same thing.

'You want to tell me what that was all about?' her Dad asked, swinging round to face his daughter.

'Nothin',' Sian answered in a small voice.

''Ave you two fallen out?' he asked her.

'... no,' Sian said, avoiding her Dad's glare.

Her Dad tutted at his daughter's ridiculousness. 'Good riddance,' he found it was necessary to say. 'She's no good for you that one,' he went on. 'Weird, she is. Don't want you hanging around with weirdos.'

Sian rolled her eyes, 'You don't get it Dad,' she told him. 'You'll never get it.' She stormed off dramatically, yanking the front door.

She heard the her Dad begin to protest, 'Where do you think you're-'

She slammed the door shut.

Even before she reached the pavement of the street her phone rang again. Sophie's called ID flashed up on the screen and Sian bit her lip, debating whether to answer. She glanced up and down the street to see if anyone was within earshot before flipping the phone open.

'Yeah?' she answered.

'Sian!' Sophie said, relief evident in her voice. 'Where've you been?'

'Nowhere,' Sian said, truthfully. 'Just at home.'

'I called your house phone,' Sophie revealed.

'Yeah ... I ... um ... was in the shower,' she answered.

'Oh,' Sophie responded, as if she was convinced by the answer.

There was a pause.

'So ... are you feeling better now? About what we talked about yesterday?' Sophie asked.

Sian sighed. 'Not really.'

'Well,' Sophie began, 'Me and Lee are having another move night tonight. You want to come? We could get popcorn and coke and stuff and make it like a proper little cinema. You know, without all the rip-offs. Ryan could come too, if you want him too.'

'No,' Sian said firmly. 'I don't want him to.'

Sophie went quiet at the fierceness of Sian's reply. 'Okay,' she said quietly after a while. 'Well, just come on your own then.'

'I don't want to come Sophie,' Sian answered angrily. 'I don't want to see _Lee_,' she said scathingly. 'And I don't want to see _you_.'

'What?' Sophie asked, more utterly confused than hurt.

'You heard me,' Sian said. 'I don't want to see you. I don't have to spend _every second of my life_ with you. Just back off yeah?' she said, before flipping the phone shut.

She stopped walking, feeling shell-shocked. She swallowed back the tears she could feel brewing.

She took one step forward, wondering if the world would fall away from beneath her feet.

But it just carried on. Life carried on without Sophie. She took a shaky breath in and kept walking.

...

The rest of the day passed in a tearful haze. If Sian had felt lost before, now she felt completely off the chart. She had never been so lonely. As night drew across the sky she decided to head home and face whatever rant her Dad had in store for her. As she began her melancholy trek, she recognised a figure on the other side of the street to her.

'Ryan?' she called.

The figure turned his head at the mention of his name, spotted Sian and trotted across the road towards her.

'Hi,' Ryan said. 'Are you feeling better?' he asked.

'Oh .. um, yeah,' Sian answered. 'Much better.' Then she frowned, noticing the direction Ryan had been walking from. 'Where've you been?' she asked.

'Over Lee's,' Ryan answered. 'I thought Sophie would've been with you actually,' he admitted.

'Why?' Sian asked. 'We don't always have to be together you know,' she added quickly.

Ryan shrugged. 'It's just she was really upset. Thought you'd have been the first person she'd have gone to.'

'Upset?' Sian asked, her body flooding with sudden anxiety. 'About what?'

'I dunno,' Ryan answered. 'She left crying.'

There was a moment of silence.

And then Sian was gone.

She was gone, running down the pavements and across the roads towards the Webster's, leaving Ryan stood alone, watching her go.

Sian banged urgently on the door, stamping her feet anxiously as she waited for it to be answered. After what felt like minutes on end, shadows began to loom through the frosted glass and the door swung open away from her. Rosie appeared the other side of the door, big wide eyes and bright red lips.

'Hi Sian,' she said cheerfully, before her expression switched to concern. 'What's happened with you and Sophie?' she asked.

'What?' Sian asked. 'Nothin',' she claimed, before Rosie even had time to elaborate on her question.

Rosie shook her head like it didn't matter and ushered Sian in past her. 'You'd better go upstairs and talk to her. She's a right state.'

Sian swallowed nervously and obeyed Rosie's instruction. Could Sophie really be that upset by what she'd said? She hadn't meant it. An afternoon without Sophie had been pure torture, let alone the lifetime that she'd promised herself. She took the stairs two at a time, barely acknowledging Sally's greeting from the lounge as she ascended, not slowing until she got to Sophie's door.

She took a deep breath and raised a clenched fist to tap at the door. She knocked softly, not waiting for a response before twisting the handle and letting herself in.

'Get lost Rosie,' was the comment that came from Sophie, who was sprawled on her bed on her stomach, facing away from the door.

'Sophie?' Sian asked tentatively, edging self consciously into the room.

Sophie immediately looked round at the sound of her voice. Her eyes met Sian's and she swiftly stood up and moved towards her.

Sian looked her up and down. Her eyes were looked sore, like she'd been crying, and her shoulders were slumped, like she was exhausted.

'God Sophie, what's wrong?' Sian asked instantly, forgetting all of her own problems in a second, all of her concerns geared to whatever was troubling Sophie.

'I didn't think you cared,' Sophie bit back, her voice quaking with the proximity of tears.

'Oh, just forget about that Soph,' Sian said, belittling her earlier comments, 'I just don't know where me 'ead is at the moment. Of course I care.'

Sophie folded her arms, unconvinced.

Sian tilted her head to the side. 'Please Soph, I didn't mean it. You're the most important thing in the world to me. I've been in bits since this morning,' she admitted, daring to move closer to Sophie.

Sophie allowed herself to be swept into Sian's arms, sighing into the embrace before moving her own arms to wrap them up and over Sian's shoulders. Sian closed her eyes briefly, letting Sophie's warmth seep into her body, in stark contrast to the cold air outside. She inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of Sophie's hair.

She felt Sophie shaking beneath her arms, and pulled back instantly like she'd been burnt.

'What is it? Soph, you gotta tell me what's wrong,' Sian demanded as she realised Sophie's tears had begun again.

'It's Lee,' Sophie blurted out, snapping her arms back to her sides.

Sian pulled a quizzical face. 'Lee?' she asked.

In all honesty, she was surprised. She had expected to be the cause of Sophie's upset. Not that she wanted to be. Not really anyway.

Sophie nodded.

'Well, what's he done?' Sian asked with a frown.

'He tried it on, didn't he!' Sophie answered back bitterly, like Sian should've worked it out by now.

'Really?' Sian asked. 'What ... what happened?'

'I told him to get lost,' Sophie said, sniffing and wiping tears away.

'Then what?' Sian asked, already half-knowing the answer.

'He kicked off at me,' Sophie answered. 'Sayin' I was this stupid little girl who didn't know what they wanted. That I'd just be leadin' him on,' she said, 'And I _hadn't_,' she added righteously.

Sian shook her head. She'd seen all of this coming from miles away. Sophie's distress was bringing tears to her own eyes

'And him ... him and Ryan was ...' Sophie tried to get her sentence but she was crying too hard.

Sian rubbed her palms up the backs of Sophie's arms reassuringly, trying to gently coax her words from her.

'They was laughin' at me,' she said, before dissolving into racking sobs.

'Ryan was?' Sian repeated disbelievingly, her dislike for her boyfriend multiplying infinitely.

Sophie nodded, ''Cos I'm just this stupid tease and he was never interested in me for anythin' other than sex anyway.'

Sian encircled Sophie's shaking body with her arms, pulling her against her and smoothing her soft hair gently. She could feel Sophie's tears moistening the skin of her neck. The anger that had ignited within her towards Lee and Ryan had given way to the overwhelming devotion she felt for her best friend, who nestled her head at Sian's shoulder, using her as a shield from the world.

Sian gradually drew her hand round to Sophie's face, lifting her chin gently. Sophie self consciously drew back from the embrace, meeting Sian's gaze.

'He's so not worth it Soph,' Sian told her softly, stroking the pad of her thumb over Sophie's cheek. 'You're so much better than he could ever be.'

Tears rolled gently down the curves of Sophie's cheeks, leaving glistening trails on her skin. The blue of her eyes seemed magnified through the unshed tears that quivered delicately before spilling over onto her skin. Sophie's body trembled with the force of her sobs, and her hands wiped and tweaked at her face roughly as if she was trying to physically shove the pain away from her body. She looked at Sian like she was broken, presenting her with the pieces as if she was the only person who could put her back together.

Sian felt herself pulled towards Sophie. Not by her hands, or by any other means other than gravity. She was falling into her, and as she leaned in further she cast one final look from Sophie's eyes to her mouth.

And then she kissed her.

She kissed her because she was hurting, and Sian loved her so much, and in that moment it was that simple.

...


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys :) Thanks so much for the reviews. I've used some of the original episode dialogue in this chapter because I think it demonstrates Sian's confusion really brilliantly. And if it ain't broke, etc.**

**Let me know how you find it ;)**

Sophie's lips were warm and wet from her tears. They quivered tentatively beneath Sian's, parting ever so slightly, inviting the movement of Sian's lips. Sian drew back slightly; her entire body suddenly alight with blinding sparks of electricity. Unsure if she'd felt encouragement or not, she opened her eyes to take in Sophie's expression.

Sophie's eyes were still closed. Her fists were clenched in mid-air, as if they had frozen in place somewhere on their way to pushing Sian away. Her lips were pouted, waiting for Sian to come back to them.

And she did, taking Sophie's bottom lip between her own and pressing the gentlest kiss against it. Her stomach surged with butterflies as she felt Sophie respond to it, more noticeably than before. She felt hands settle on the tops of her shoulders.

For a second they felt like they were pulling her closer. And the next second it felt like they were forcing her away.

Sian pulled back suddenly from the kiss, opening her eyes wide, watching the room rush back into focus.

Sophie was staring at her with a look of barely disguised astonishment, her face still glinting with the wetness of her tears.

The reality of her actions hit Sian fully in the stomach then, and she met Sophie's stare with a startled expression of her own. _How could she have done that? How could she be so stupid?_

'I've ... I've gotta go,' she managed to splutter out before she practically ran from the room, not even taking a second look at the girl she'd just kissed.

'No Sian! Wait!' she heard as the door slammed behind her and she tore through the house, once again ignoring any comment sent her way from the lounge.

She didn't stop running until she got to crossing at the end of the street. She stopped abruptly at the edge of the pavement, smacking her flattened palms to her eyes like she didn't want to see anymore. She sniffed and let a shaking sob convulse through her body. She pushed her hair back from her face, her eyes still squeezed shut tight, trying to calm herself. Holding her head in her hands she finally opened her eyes again. A truck whizzed past her on the road, its headlights flooding her in pure white light that pierced painfully into her vision. She blinked furiously and looked away. She nervously glanced back down the street, wondering if Sophie would have run after her. The street was dark and empty.

Sian took a deep breath in, looked left, and then right, and then crossed the road. She felt like she was sleep-walking: like none of this was real, like she hadn't just kissed Sophie. She was going to wake up and none of this would be real. As she walked through her strange dream world, she felt her phone vibrate in the pocket of her jeans. She fumbled beneath her coat and withdrew it.

It was Sophie. Of course it was. But Sian had nothing to say to her. Nothing that she hadn't already said with that kiss. Nothing that could take it all back. So she just pressed reject and slipped in back into her pocket. The next few times it rang, Sian just let it ring out.

'You've got some nerve,' came the friendly greeting Sian was welcomed with as she pushed through her own front door.

Her Dad stood in the doorway to the front room, his arms folded across his chest like some drill sergeant. It was all pretty pathetic, Sian thought, this self-imposed macho act her Dad insisted on displaying. Like it would make her cower in fear and yield to his omnipotence.

'Sorry Dad,' she said quietly.

'Sorry's not going to cut it my girl,' her assured her. 'You can't just storm out of here. You're seventeen and you _my _responsibility. _I _get to say whether you can go out or not.'

Sian opened her mouth to protest against the unjust and poorly supported nature of her Dad's argument, but decided to keep quiet. 'Sorry Dad,' she said again. 'I know.'

Her Dad seemed satisfied with her compliance. 'Get to your room,' he said, turning the severity of his tone down a few notches, 'You're back with your Mum tomorrow,' he added.

Sian's eyes widened. 'But _Dad_,' she began.

'Don't 'but Dad' me,' he warned her, turning the severity right back up. 'I'm not 'avin' you runnin' around like you own the place. You're back with your Mum. She can keep an eye on you.'

Sian sighed heavily. Maybe it was for the best. If she was in Southport she was away from Sophie. Maybe time away from Sophie would help fix things. 'Okay Dad,' she said quietly, and obediently ascended the stairs to her room.

...

Southport was grey. Greyer than Weatherfield somehow. The cheery red brick of the Victorian houses did nothing to shift the presence of the overwhelming greyness that seemed to hang over the entire town like thick smog.

Sophie's calls had finally stopped. At first they'd flooded in thick and fast ever since the night Sian had fled, but gradually they'd petered out. Sian had listened to Sophie's first few voicemails. They mainly consisted of abstract claims about needing to see her, needing to talk. Sian had deleted them, and consequentially deleted the subsequent ones before even listening to them. And eventually they'd stopped.

Sian couldn't imagine what Sophie needed to say so badly. Occasionally, when she lay in bed awake at night she allowed herself wonder if Sophie wanted to say that the kiss had changed everything: that it had made her realise her feelings for Sian and that she wanted to be with her. But it wasn't fair on herself to think those things, and she tried to suppress those kinds of thoughts as soon as they bubbled to the surface.

Sian gazed out into the grey street beyond the window, wondering what Sophie was doing right now, wondering what they'd be doing together if she hadn't given into her stupid urges and leant towards Sophie that night. Maybe she'd be here with her in Southport, messing around on the pier, eating chips, making everything less grey.

The sound of the gate outside the front door startled Sian. Her Mum had said she was out all day, and Sian hadn't even begun the hovering and dusting she had been left in charge of in her absence. She rushed to the window, peeling back the curtain to see who was there.

The sight of Sophie nervously approaching the front door made Sian's stomach clench and she sprang from the window, worried about being caught. Fortunately, Sophie hadn't seen her, and she continued her cautious advance towards the door.

Sian bit her lip and assessed her options. The knock at the door seemed to resonate through Sian's entire body, and against her better judgement she moved through to the hall, towards the door, took a deep breath, and pulled it open.

Sophie looked startled that the door had been opened to her.

Sian positioned herself defensively in the doorway, her arms resting on either side of the doorframe, denying Sophie entrance. 'What are you doing here?' Sian asked coldly.

Sophie looked at the floor and back up again. 'What are you?' she asked back, her voice small and uncertain. 'I thought you was at your Dad's.'

'Yeah well I was but I changed my mind,' she lied, her tone still cold and distant.

'Without tellin' me?' Sophie asked, her expression demonstrating her total confusion and hurt.

'Well I didn't want to speak to you did I?' Sian answered back harshly.

'Why not?' Sophie asked, that same hurt voice, that same perplexed expression.

'Why not?' Sian repeated, her disbelief at Sophie altering the harshness of her voice. 'Ain't it obvious why?'

Sophie looked down at her feet. They shifted uncomfortably on the tarmac outside.

Sian felt terrible. But she didn't know how to handle this. Sophie should be angry with her. At least that would give them something to talk about, something to argue about. But she could tell from the moment she'd seen her through the window that Sophie was here to be questioning and understanding and sweet. And Sian just couldn't deal with it.

She sighed. 'Look you can come in for ten minutes, okay?' she offered.

Sophie looked up and stepped forward, silently accepting the offer.

Sian moved through the hall and into the kitchen, not turning back to look at Sophie until she physically couldn't walk any further. She turned against the kitchen counter she had walked to and met Sophie's gaze.

Sophie looked guilty, like she was responsible for all of this.

Sian felt like she'd never sank lower in her life. 'My Mum's out but she'll be back really soon,' she said suddenly, trying to prompt Sophie to get this over with in the shortest possible amount of time.

'So?' Sophie asked, missing the point.

'Well what is it you wanted to talk to me about?' Sian asked, her arms folded across her body. She reminded herself of her Dad. Stupid and macho and defensive like some big brute out to quash anyone that dared challenge him.

'Why are you being like this?' Sophie asked, her voice pleading. Every single syllable tapped a crack into Sian's resolve like a chisel.

'Like what?' she asked, trying to keep up her tone.

'Like I've done something really terrible to you?' Sophie asked.

Sian could hear the tears in her voice. She could hear Sophie's throat close painfully around the words. She closed her eyes, wishing that Sophie would stop staring at her. Wishing that she would go away and leave her to cry like a child. 'Sophie I kissed you!' she blurted out, incredulous at herself.

'So?' Sophie asked, calmly.

'So?' Sian asked, disbelievingly.

Sophie shrugged, like it didn't matter.

Sian blinked repeatedly, struggling to process Sophie's one-word answer. 'So ... so ... no!' she spluttered, chastising her own actions.

'Sian, it's okay ... if you're ..' Sophie began to say.

'I'm _not_!' Sian interrupted before Sophie could get the words out. 'I'm not _like that_,' she assured her.

'Like what?' Sophie asked, calm, understanding, all the things she always was.

'You know what I mean,' Sian told her, looking away.

'Like ... a lesbian?' Sophie asked quietly, her intense blue eyes bearing into Sian as she tried to verbally reach out to her friend.

Sian looked back at her, tears in her own eyes now, 'I don't know what I am,' she admitted, allowing the sadness to pervade the anger in her voice for the first time.

Sophie fell quiet, twitching her mouth from side to side. 'Why did you kiss me?' she asked eventually.

Sian looked immediately down at the floor. This was the question she'd been dreading.

'I ... I don't know,' she stammered, nervously looking back at Sophie.

'You don't know?' Sophie repeated. Her expression switched from concern to looking thoroughly unimpressed, and Sian immediately regretted her answer. 'Was you just experimentin' with what you like?' Sophie asked, her tone different now – louder, more confident, more angry. 'Or _who_ you like?' she added, the hurt in her voice completely eclipsed by outrage now.

Sian's gaze snapped back up to Sophie's. 'I wasn't experimentin' with you Soph!' she shouted back.

'I thought we was friends!' Sophie shouted back, moving towards Sian who swiftly walked away from her. Sian found herself cornered against the kitchen units as she turned back round to look at Sophie.

Sophie looked her up and down in disapproval. 'I guess we're not anymore,' she said bitterly.

'You didn't push me off you!' Sian said suddenly.

'Yeah well I was shocked!' Sophie answered. 'I was upset with everythin' that happened with Lee and then you kissed me and I thought you was just tryin' to be comfortin' or somethin',' she said, her voice getting higher.

'I _was_,' Sian told her, pressing her fingertips to her forehead in frustration. 'It just ... sort of ... happened.'

'So you didn't even mean it?' Sophie asked.

'I ... I didn't mean it to happen,' Sian told her truthfully. 'But that doesn't mean I didn't mean it.'

'What the heck is that supposed to mean?' Sophie shouted.

Sian couldn't rightly tell her.

'You can't just kiss me, and then run off to Southport without even tellin' me, and then make out like it's _my fault_!' Sophie told her.

'I know. I ... wasn't tryin' to -' Sian tried to explain.

'Well I suggest you figure out exactly what you was tryin' to do then,' Sophie advised her. 'Or someone's going to get really hurt.'

Sian rolled her eyes. 'Like I don't know that,' she muttered pointlessly.

'Well start actin' like it then!' Sophie told her.

'Soph ...' Sian said quietly, pleadingly, 'the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.'

Sophie rolled her eyes like she didn't believe her.

'I know I've confused you,' she continued, 'I've confused meself even more,' she admitted. 'But I just want you to know, I never meant for any of this. You're my _best friend_. I don't want to lose that.'

Sophie folded her arms like this was too much information to process. 'I don't get you,' she said. 'You say you don't want to hurt me, and then you ignore me for days. I've been worried sick about you!'

Sian bit her lip. She had no argument for that.

'I don't think it's me you're tryin' to protect,' Sophie surmised. 'It's you.'

Sian frowned, angry that Sophie could dismantle her entire argument with one astute observation, angry that Sophie was entirely right. 'Your ten minutes are up,' she told her coldly.

'Don't worry,' Sophie said, 'I'm going.'

And she did.

The door slammed on her way out. The sound reverberated through Sian like an earthquake tremor, sending jagged cracks across the surface of her heart and shattering it to a thousand pieces.

...


	5. Chapter 5

**:D**

The bus swung round at the bend in the road, pulling jerkily into the stop. Sian stood, gripping onto the cold metal pole beside her to steady herself as the bus shook and juddered, braking abruptly alongside the pavement.

The doors disappeared off to the side, opening the street wide for Sian, who delicately stepped down from the bus to the ground. The brakes hissed at her as the doors closed.

There was no one waiting for her. Just an icy breeze and some scuttling crisp packets that skimmed across the ground, whipped into movement as the bus drove off again. Sian hitched her bag up on her shoulder, glad to be back in Weatherfield despite everything, and began to walk from the bus stop.

'Sian!'

The shout caused her to stop and turn.

It was Ryan, running to meet her. He slowed to a halt as he got to her, clutching his chest like he was out of breath and leaning on the glazing of the bus stop. '... Hi,' he managed to say as he struggled to get his breath back.

'What do you want?' Sian asked, fixing him with a cold stare.

Ryan looked confused. 'To see you. You are my girlfriend you know,' he informed her.

Sian let out a noise of abhorrence, 'As _if_!' she told the boy, who's expression fell deeper into puzzlement.

'What you on about?' he asked.

'You really think I'd be interested in you after the way you've treated Sophie?' she asked him.

Ryan blinked vacantly.

Sian rolled her eyes. 'There's no point playing dumb Ryan, I _know_ that you and Lee made fun of her when she wouldn't sleep with him.'

'I ... I'm not playing dumb,' Ryan stammered.

'Well maybe you're just dumb naturally then,' Sian suggested. 'You'd have to be to think I'd look at you twice after that.' Satisfied with her answer, Sian turned to begin to walk away.

Ryan grabbed fiercely at her arm as she turned. 'Sian, come on,' he reasoned. 'It was just a stupid joke, I didn't even mean it.'

Sian roughly yanked her arm from his grasp. 'Yeah?' she challenged, 'Well you know who it wasn't a stupid joke to?'

Ryan rolled his eyes.

'Sophie, that's who,' Sian told him defiantly. 'Seriously Ryan,' she continued, shaking her head at him in disbelief, 'how could you be so shallow?'

Ryan kept quiet for a few prolonged seconds, appearing to be trying to formulate a response.

When none came, Sian turned away again.

'Fine! Go!' Ryan shouted after her, finally regaining the ability to speak. 'Run back to Sophie!' he called. '... as usual,' Sian thought she heard him mutter.

Sian almost stopped again. She almost turned round and shouted at him again.

But it wasn't worth it.

And she had places to be.

...

Sian waited outside the door, anxiously peering through the glass and swinging round to check the street behind her. Her fists clenched and unclenched, gripping hard at the sleeves of her jumper which she'd pulled tightly over her knuckles.

'Hiya,' Sian said to Rosie, who opened the door with a peculiar flurry.

'Hi Sian,' Rosie panted, leaning on the door frame for support.

Sian eyed her quizzically.

'Sorry,' Rosie began, noticing Sian's expression. 'I've been doing my mega-blast bums 'n' tums,' she explained, heaving in more breaths and fanning herself with a manicured hand.

Sian briefly wondered why everyone was being so energetic today, before returning a smile. 'Is she in?' she asked.

'She's upstairs,' Rosie informed her, stepping aside to let her in. 'Did you just come back from Southport?'

Sian nodded.

Rosie sighed in apparent relief, 'Thank god,' she said. 'Sophie's been in a right strop since you left.'

Sian laughed nervously. 'I'm sure it's nought to do with me,' she said, her eyes darting from Rosie to the wall and then to the floor.

'You don't reckon it's some lad do you?' Rosie asked, her eyes wide at the prospect of gossip as she shut the door behind Sian.

Sian squirmed awkwardly under the interrogation. 'I really have no idea Rosie,' she said.

Rosie sighed in exasperation. 'Well you're useless,' she joked.

The stood in silence for a while.

'Well, go on up then!' Rosie encouraged Sian. 'I doubt you want to hang around while I'm doing my squat thrusts,' she added.

'Er ... no. Thanks for the offer though,' Sian answered, and turned to walk up the stairs. She took each step slowly, a drastic contrast to the last time she had sprinted up them. She raised a fist to the Sophie's bedroom door and knocked softly.

'What d'ya want Rosie?' she heard Sophie's voice shout from the other side of the door.

Sian considered answering, but no words came to her, so she merely knocked again in response.

She heard some bad-tempered mutterings and the shuffling of someone moving around in the bedroom.

As Sian leaned closer to the door to listen, the door swung open to reveal Sophie.

Her eyebrows shot up at the sight of Sian. She glanced past her out into the landing, scanning left and right, before focusing back on her. 'I should've known it wasn't Rosie,' she mumbled. 'She never knocks.'

Sian fidgeted awkwardly on the spot. 'Can I come in?' she asked.

Sophie shrugged. 'If you want,' she said.

Sian realised that was the best offer she was going to get, so she moved past Sophie and into the bedroom. She felt Sophie's stare as she walked past her, and heard her click the door shut behind her.

Sian took a moment to absorb her surroundings: the wallpaper, the posters, the clothes strewn hastily onto the floor and across the backs of chairs from Sophie trying and rejecting countless outfits before deeming them appropriate. She ran her hand along the wood of Sophie's desk. It was cold and solid.

Sophie's room had always been a safe place for her. A place where she didn't have to worry about all the terrible things in the world, or all the slightly less terrible but no less demanding problems in her own life. It was a place she could relax and forget. But it felt different now. The room felt like it was swimming with her anxieties. It wasn't safe anymore.

She heard Sophie shift irritably behind her, and turned around finally to look at her.

Sophie was staring at her expectantly.

'I've dumped Ryan,' Sian said.

The words seemed to echo throughout the small room.

Sophie nodded slightly, like she was expecting as much. 'Are you okay?' she asked.

'Yeah,' Sian answered. 'I just feel so stupid though,' she continued. 'I can't believe him and Lee would've treated you like that.'

Sophie shook her head. 'It's okay,' she said before giving a tiny shrug. 'I've forgiven them,' she said simply.

Sian let herself smile. Sweet, forgiving, Sophie. Always looking for the good in people. 'God help us all if you're ever promoted to saint, Sophie,' she said. 'You'd just let everyone into heaven wouldn't you?'

Sophie smiled back, very slightly. 'Everyone deserves a second chance,' she answered simply.

Sian's smile dropped. 'Does that mean you've ... given Lee a second – '

'God no!' Sophie exclaimed suddenly. 'He's a total sleaze bag.'

Sian smiled again in relief.

'I just meant that I'm not going to hold a grudge,' Sophie explained.

'Can I hold a grudge _for_ you?' Sian asked.

Sophie snorted softly. 'If you like,' she offered.

They stood looking at each other for a few prolonged seconds, before Sophie's expression broke into something pained and longing.

'I really needed you Sian,' she told her, her calm voice giving way to sadness. 'I was proper hurting and I couldn't even speak to you.'

'I'm so sorry Soph,' Sian said, taking a few paces towards Sophie but stopping short.

'I needed my best friend. And I don't know where she's gone,' Sophie admitted.

Sian felt like she was being split down the middle by something heavy and blunt. Half of her wanted to be Sophie's best friend, just like she'd always been, so she could be what Sophie needed; but the other half wanted Sophie entirely to herself: she wanted all of her hopes, dreams, secrets, every last part of her – for keeps, forever.

Sian realised she was just going to have to stitch those two conflicting halves of herself back together. No matter how hard it was. No matter how visible the seam.

'I'm here Soph,' she told her. 'I'm always here.'

Sophie tilted her head to one side, searching Sian's face, trying to read the terribly complicated thoughts she could see flashing across it. 'Are you?' she asked.

'Of course I am,' Sian said, taking the final few steps towards Sophie and wrapping her arms around her. 'I've really missed you,' she admitted, her eyes fluttering closed as Sophie wrapped her arms round her middle.

They stood like that for a while, before Sophie pulled back, smiling shyly, and slid her hands down from Sian's waist.

Sian let go and let her hands slip to Sophie's. She held onto her fingers loosely, savouring just being in Sophie's company. Savouring being able to touch her, even in the simplest, most platonic way.

Sophie glanced down at their entwined fingers and smiled. The smile was short lived though, as almost instantly she began to frown in confusion, and looked back up at Sian.

'You still haven't told me properly. Why you ki – '

'Can we just forget about it Soph?' Sian interrupted, swiftly dropping Sophie's hands from hers. 'It was just stupid.'

Sophie scratched at her cheek. 'Okay,' she resigned. 'But ... it wasn't stupid,' she said quietly.

Sian waited for her to elaborate.

Sophie ran a hand through her hair as she tried to explain herself. 'It made me feel better,' she admitted. 'It made me feel loved. Like ... you really cared about me.'

Sian grasped Sophie's hands back immediately. 'I _do_ care,' she said. 'And I _do _love you.'

The words hung heavily in the air.

As Sophie opened her mouth to say something Sian cut in quickly, 'as a friend,' she hastened to add.

Those words came out louder than Sian had intended. The whole room rang with them.

Sophie tilted her head. 'Yeah,' she agreed eventually. 'Me too.'

Sian smiled a brave smile. This was the way it had to be now. She'd realised that she loved Sophie too much to be apart from her. And if being Sophie's friend was all she was going to get, then she would take it. With both hands. And not let it go. 'I'm sorry for havin' a go,' she said guiltily.

Sophie shrugged.

Sian knew Sophie too well to think that she'd forgotten it all and moved past it. But in that moment she grateful that Sophie was letting her off. It was a conversation for a different day.

'I'd better get to me Dad's then,' Sian said. 'He'll blow his top if I'm back late.'

'Can't you stay here tonight?' Sophie asked. 'I'll get me Mam to phone your Dad and everythin',' she reasoned.

Sian shook her head. 'I can't,' she told her. 'I promised I'd be back.'

Sophie sighed. 'Tomorrow night then?' she suggested.

Sian pursed her lips. Was it really a good idea to share a room with Sophie after all of this? She'd only just got her friend back. Could she trust herself not to squander it all again?

But Sophie was staring at her, her face hopeful, her blue eyes searing into Sian's as she waited for an answer.

And Sian was fairly certain that she was built without the capacity to refuse Sophie.

'Okay,' she agreed, inwardly sighing at her own lack of resolve.

Sophie seemed pleased with the answer.

'Right, I've gotta go,' Sian said, deciding to leave before she automatically agreed to anything else Sophie might suggest. As she turned she felt Sophie's hand clutch at her forearm. She quickly looked back round.

Before she had time to ask her what was wrong, Sophie leaned up and pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. It was so gentle that if Sian hadn't seen it happening she wouldn't have even known what it was. But it was enough to make Sian's body surge with a sudden heat that started in the pit of her stomach and ran up her spine, coursing through her like a pulse of electricity.

'Bye,' was all Sophie said as she let go of Sian's arm and stepped away.

Sian blinked several times in quick succession. 'Yeah,' she managed to say, before regaining the ability to walk and leaving the room.

'See ya Sian!' came Rosie's salutation from the lounge as Sian descended the stairs in a daze.

'... yeah,' she repeated, fumbling uncertainly with the door handle before managing to get it open.

When she got back outside the corner of her mouth quirked up into a half-smile, and she sighed.

It was a sigh of relief.

The relief of someone who had been waiting with bated breath for some good news.

...


	6. Chapter 6

Something seemed different in Sophie's room. It had been tidied for a start, which was unsettling enough in itself, but there was an unfamiliarity hanging about the air. Sian narrowed her eyes, trying to ascertain what it was that had changed, skimming her gaze across the walls and along the floor, but Sophie was already pulling her inside and dragging the bag from her shoulder before she had time to properly study it.

'Did you have any trouble with your Dad?' Sophie asked as she set the bag down next to the foot of the bed.

Sian shook her head. 'Think he was glad to be rid of me,' she half-joked. Her relationship with her father was patchy at best. He was an angry, righteous man, and that, combined Sian's tendency to not be meekly compliant, was a perfect recipe for arguments and unpleasant domestic atmospheres.

'I'm sure that's not true,' Sophie said.

Sian felt like she'd said it because that was the appropriate comment to make, rather than because she actually believed it. 'Yeah well,' she brushed the subject aside. 'Don't really want to have to think about me Dad while I'm here do I?'

'No. Sorry,' Sophie said with a shrug.

The silence that swept through the room at that point reminded Sian that if they weren't going to talk about her Dad, what exactly were they to talk about? She could think of at least one subject she'd like to steer entirely clear of.

Fortunately for Sian, Sophie appeared to be oblivious to the sudden awkwardness, and was busying herself somewhere underneath her bed. She had dropped to her knees and was bent at the hips, rifling through whatever it was she had stowed under there.

Sian allowed her gaze to glide swiftly up the backs of Sophie's thighs, over her arse and along her back, before following along the length of the cascade of brown hair that Sophie irritably pushed and pulled back from her face as it repeatedly swung into her vision.

'What you lookin' for Soph?' she inquired, amused as Sophie became increasingly frustrated.

'Lee leant me this film before I chucked him,' Sophie threw the comment over her shoulder.

Sian physically recoiled at the mention of his name, but Sophie didn't see. 'What film?' she asked.

Sophie stood up from the floor, casually brushing down her knees and straightening up victorious. She shoved the DVD box into Sian's hand. 'He said it was some 'rubbish chick-flik with no car chases _or _explosions',' she said, mimicking Lee in that high-pitched voice she used for all of her impersonations.

Sian laughed. 'Sounds like our kind of thing, ey?' she said.

'Exactly,' Sophie answered with a smile.

Sian was eternally grateful. She had been worried about this evening the entire day. She was worried Sophie would be demanding and inquisitive and perpetually firing questions at her that she couldn't answer.

But they slipped easily back into normal habits: laughing and joking and talking about nothing for hours on end, just like they always used to. And after the film when Sophie slipped into bed beside Sian and her bare leg brushed against Sian's, Sian tried her very best to conceal her gasp and to steady her suddenly quickened heartbeat, because the last thing she wanted to do was spoil a perfectly pleasant evening with her pesky feelings.

In fact, when she thought back on it, Sian couldn't for the life of her fathom why Sophie had waited for the all lights to be turned off and for Sian to have let herself drift off into a semi-conscious doze for at least half an hour before she chose to break the comfortable silence with the question:

'Sian ... are you gay?'

Sian's eyes sprang open wide, drinking in the darkness of the room. She could hear Sophie next to her, patiently waiting for her response. She considered pretending to still be asleep, but as she let her head fall to the side to see if she could get away with it, she realised Sophie was propped up on one elbow, leaning over her, watching her intently as the street light from outside highlighted the whites of her open eyes.

'Am I what?' Sian asked, at a loss for anything more intelligent to say.

'Gay,' Sophie repeated. 'Are you gay?'

'I'm ... I ...' Sian suddenly felt flustered, and she threw the covers from her chest. 'I don't know what you're on about,' she told Sophie.

Sophie huffed like this routine was growing tiresome. 'Can you just answer me Sian?' she asked.

'Why does it matter?' Sian asked, shuffling up in the bed and propping herself up against the headboard.

'It _doesn't_,' Sophie assured her. 'But it doesn't hurt to know where I stand.'

'Where you _stand_?' Sian asked, confused at the language Sophie was using.

'Sian you _kissed _me,' Sophie reminded her.

Sian sighed audibly. She'd been wondering how long it would take for Sophie to bring that up again. She must have been lying there all this time, internally debating when she felt she could broach the subject.

'Yeah,' Sian answered defensively, 'and I told you that it just _happened_. It was a mistake.'

Sophie sat up at that point, shifting her body upwards until she was at the same level as Sian. She let her head fall back against the head board, twisting it slightly towards Sian and looking her square in the eyes. 'Well I don't believe you.'

Sian opened her mouth to retaliate with more inversions of the truth, but the words didn't happen. She seemed momentarily incapable of speaking. Or breathing. Or doing anything, in fact, apart from staring back at Sophie with her lips parted and her eyes wide, 'guilty as charged' flashing in bright letters across her vision.

'Sian?' Sophie asked uncertainly as the length of time Sian was taking to respond became more and more socially unacceptable.

Sian took a deep breath in.

Something about the unobtrusive dark and quiet of Sophie's room made her feel that maybe she could say those things, those confusing, scary things, that she had yet to fully admit to herself.

'I don't _fancy_ women,' were her first words.

She wasn't sure if that was the best way to start, but those words had been the first ones to tumble out from the tangle of confused thoughts in her mind, falling inelegantly from her lips and landing loudly in the quiet room. 'It's not what I think about,' she elaborated with an unnecessary shrug.

Sophie stared intently at her, as if she knew what Sian was going to say before she even did.

'But … I _do_ think about you,' Sian said. She closed her eyes in exasperation at herself. It felt like her words were coming out in the wrong order and she had no control over which ones were going to make their grand entrance next.

She felt Sophie's fingers wrap around hers. The sudden contact startled her and she immediately withdrew her hand.

Sophie despondently slid her hand back towards herself and looked away like she'd been slapped back.

Sian felt at such a desperate loss at how to act, that she could only muster together a string of strangled sounds of frustration. 'I'm … sorry … it's just I,' she just about managed to say.

Her brain, meanwhile, was only managing to remain slightly more coherent than her speech. She wanted to say so much. She wanted to say how scared she was of how she was feeling. She wanted to tell Sophie she was beautiful, and kind, and everything she could ever hope to be. She wanted to tell Sophie how much she wanted to love her, and how terrified that made her.

But in the end, after all her fumbling for legitimate answers, all she said was: 'I'm just confused.'

It was true. But it was spectacularly lacking in emotive detail, and it certainly wasn't news to either of them.

'Yeah,' Sophie agreed, 'and now I am.'

And there it was. That tiny little glimmer of hope Sian thought she'd felt when Sophie kissed her cheek yesterday, suddenly exploded like a petroleum fire. 'You are?' she asked uncertainly, not quite letting herself believe that she'd heard correctly.

'Well, yeah,' Sophie told her, like it was obvious.

'What does that mean then?' Sian asked, determined that Sophie would have to spell it out for her before she even began to let herself believe it.

'I don't know,' Sophie answered.

Sian's hopes were stamped out as quickly as they had ignited. 'Oh,' she said, barely containing the disappointment in her voice.

Sophie glanced up at her quickly. 'I see you differently now,' she admitted. 'You're not just my best friend anymore.'

'What am I then?' Sian asked.

'Something … more?' Sophie wondered out loud. She shrugged. 'I don't know … but, stuff changed when you kissed me.'

Sophie's words were brutally honest, as they so often were, and Sian dropped her gaze guiltily to the hem of the duvet that she plucked at nervously with her restless fingers. 'What changed?' she asked quietly.

'Something inside me,' Sophie told her. 'Something between us,' she added.

Sian wondered if she was just hazarding random guesses.

'I don't know how I feel about you now,' Sophie continued. 'It's like … I can't label it anymore. It's not like 'oh this is my best friend Sian, she's got a really good taste in music and we have a laugh,' … it's like 'this is Sian. She has really soft lips.' You know?'

Sian frowned, wondering if Sophie was making any actual sense to herself, because she was completely lost. 'I guess … you want the first Sian back?' she asked hesitantly.

Sophie shook her head emphatically like Sian had missed the point. 'That's not what I meant,' she said. 'I just thought I knew myself. I thought I had stuff sorted. And now you've come along and proved that I don't.'

Sian felt irritation flare up inside of her. 'Sorry I've made everything so _difficult_ for you,' she said reflexively. She regretted it instantly, but she didn't take it back. That would be a sign of weakness. Instead she sulkily shimmied back down the bed, lying flat on her back and pulling the covers up to her chin.

A few seconds later Sophie did the same, slipping silently down next to her, their thighs inadvertently brushing against each other. They lay quietly for a while. Sian could swear she could almost hear the thoughts turning in Sophie's head.

'Look I'm sorry,' Sophie said eventually. 'You've just totally done my 'ead in,' she told her, a hint of amusement in her voice.

'Yeah,' Sian agreed. 'Mine and all.' She sighed heavily.

'It's just never crossed my mind before,' Sophie said. 'Me and you. And now it's all I can think about.'

Sian let that sentence linger in the air for a while, turning it over in her mind several times. There was something comforting about Sophie's confusion. It meant she wasn't alone. She wondered if it would help, to say it: _I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm scared because I love you so much and I'm letting you do the suffering because it lessens mine. I'm protecting myself because I don't think I could handle you not loving me back._ But she didn't. She just let the silence come again. And it stayed. It settled over the two girls like snow, soundlessly growing thicker and thicker until they were entirely covered.

'Do you think God will be angry with me?' Sian asked suddenly, breaking through the silence, her voice no louder than a whisper.

'God loves you Sian,' Sophie told her quietly, but confidently, without a moment's hesitation.

Sian waited to see if Sophie had more to say, but she didn't. Sophie didn't need words like that. Words weren't what Sophie thought in. She thought in actions and feelings and colours and shapes.

Maybe that's why Sophie was the brave one, Sian thought. Because she wasn't all caught up in words and their meanings. After all, she wasn't the one who ran away after the kiss; she wasn't the one who avoided talking about it at all costs; she was the one who had travelled to Southport, only to be humiliated and rejected for her trouble; and she wasn't the one lying completely still, scared and nervous and worrying herself sick about how much love she was capable of feeling.

And because Sophie was the brave one, she shifted closer to Sian, and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. Her warm breath whispered gently across Sian's skin as her lips left a patch of moist heat there. Then she draped an arm across Sian's stomach, and Sian's world felt momentarily secure, like it had been entirely blanketed with something gentle and caring.

Sian felt herself gradually drift into sleep. Because all she could do now was wait. She'd have to wait for Sophie to make sense of it all. Because Sophie was the brave one.

After all, Sian was so helpless in her devotion to Sophie at this point, what else could she do?

...


	7. Chapter 7

Sian woke up alone.

It took her a few moments to recall where she was – her time dissected between Weatherfield and Southport as it was, she often woke up wondering what ceiling she was staring at.

The space next to her was still warm. Sophie couldn't have been gone long.

Sian briefly panicked that Sophie had abandoned her after their conversation last night, until she remembered that this was Sophie's house, rendering it slightly pointless for her to have run off.

She sat up and raked her fingers through her hair, before slipping her legs out from under the covers and planting her feet on the floor. On her way to the door she glanced quickly out of the bedroom window.

The sky was blue for once.

Sian wondered if spring was finally here.

The second she got out onto the landing, the serene quiet she had woken up amongst was instantly broken by the sound of shattering china followed quickly by the escalating shouts Rosie and Sophie, who seemed engaged in a heated debate.

Sian cautiously descended the stairs as their shouts grew louder.

'Look what you've done!' Sophie shouted.

'Chill _out_ would you Sophie? It's _just_ a cup. They're not _endangered_,' Rosie shouted back.

'That's not the point Rosie, you could've just waited for me to get past instead of shoving me out of the way!'

'If _you_ hadn't stopped me from getting to my phone, I wouldn't have had to shove you.'

'I didn't know where your flamin' phone was!'

'Well it was _right_ there. _Right_ behind where you've plonked yourself!'

'Oh that's really nice Rosie,' Sophie said sarcastically. 'You'd rather knock me flying that let your phone go to voicemail?'

'This is my _career_ we're talking about,' Rosie snapped back. 'I think it's worth more than one measly cup!'

'Don't count on it,' Sophie muttered, before noticing Sian walking towards them.

'Hi Sian!' Rosie said brightly, abandoning the argument.

Sian pulled her dressing gown more tightly around her. 'Hi,' she answered with a small smile, before turning questioning eyes to Sophie.

'I was making you a cup of tea,' Sophie told her. 'I was going to bring it to you.'

'Awww,' Rosie said, ruffling her sister's hair. 'Isn't she sweet? You two should kiss and make up more often,' she continued.

Sian darted her eyes to the floor.

'Shut up Rosie,' Sophie mumbled.

'What?' Rosie asked, completely oblivious to how awkward her statement was making both girls feel. 'I mean it – it's cute. Sophie's been a right mardy-bum ever since you two fought. Moping around the house like she had the plague or something. It was _so_ tragic.' Rosie chucked her sister's chin affectionately. 'And now look at her. Making breakfast in bed for people. You can deliver mine to my room by the way Soph,' she added.

Sophie irritably shoved Rosie's hand away from her face. 'Dream on,' she told her. 'What did your last slave die of?'

'They're not called 'slaves', Sophie,' Rosie corrected her. 'They are called 'hangers on'. And they are all very much alive thank you very much.' She paused thoughtfully. 'Unless some of them are fatally ill with a broken heart,' she added, dramatically pressing a hand to her chest.

Sophie rolled her eyes as Rosie swept out of the room laughing to herself.

'She's unbelievable,' Sophie muttered, watching her go before looking back at the fragments of china on the floor.

'I'll help you clear that up,' Sian said, crouching down.

'Thanks,' Sophie answered, dropping to the floor as well. 'But you can go back to bed if you want,' Sophie suggested. 'I'll bring tea up to you.'

'No it's fine. I'm up now,' Sian said, collecting the china pieces in her cupped palm. 'Actually, I should think about getting back to me Dad's soon,' she said, flicking her gaze up to Sophie to gauge her reaction.

Sophie's face showed no expressive signs. She just focused on her task of cleaning up the floor. 'Okay,' she answered.

As Sian's concentration remained on Sophie, her finger unwittingly edged towards a particularly jagged piece of china, slicing the soft pad of her index finger open almost directly upon contact. Sian instantly withdrew her injured hand, inhaling a sharp hiss through her teeth.

'Are you alright?' Sophie asked, looking up at the sound.

Sian looked at her finger. Blood appeared immediately at the split in her skin, deep red and glistening.

'Let's have a look,' Sophie requested, knee-walking closer to Sian.

'No it's fine,' Sian insisted, cradling her hand close to her chest.

Sophie rolled her eyes. 'Come on Sian, just let me see.'

Sian sighed and extended her hand towards Sophie, who clasped it gently and brought it to her face. She trailed her fingertips lightly over the back of Sian's hand as she inspected the cut. 'It looks pretty deep,' she diagnosed. 'You should wash it.'

Sophie stood, tugging Sian up from the floor by her hand, and led her over to the sink. She flicked the tap on and held Sian's hand beneath the flow of the water. 'This is all Rosie's fault you know,' she said as she stroked her thumb up and down Sian's palm.

Sian shook her head. 'No it was mine. I should've been looking at what I was doing,' she answered, staring intently at the way the water droplets bounced from her skin.

'What was you looking at then?' Sophie asked.

Sian looked away from her hand and into Sophie's eyes. '...you,' she admitted quietly.

Sophie held her gaze for a few moments before dropping it down to focus on Sian's lips.

Sian felt like she was frozen to the spot.

Sophie began to lean slowly forwards, her gaze still on Sian's lips, even as she got closer and her eyelids began to close.

Sian's eyes remained open, needing to see every second of this before she believed it was about to happen. It wasn't until she felt Sophie's warm breath on her lips that she let her own eyes flutter closed.

The sudden bleeping and vibrating of a phone next to the sink broke through the sound of the running tap, and Sophie and Sian sprang apart before their lips even touched.

'Rosie!' Sophie shouted, snatching up the offending item and marching to the base of the stairs. 'If you care so much about your stupid phone why did you leave it down here?'

Within seconds Rosie came bounding down the stairs, grabbing the phone from her sister and rushing to answer it. 'Thanks babe,' she said before turning and dashing back up the stairs. 'No not you,' she corrected the person on the phone before she disappeared out of sight.

Sophie sighed heavily before looking back at Sian.

Sian hadn't moved. She hadn't even managed to collect her faculties back together enough to turn off the tap, which continued to hammer down wetly in her hand.

Sophie walked back over to her and twisted the tap off, taking a cloth from the side and handing it to Sian.

'Thanks,' Sian said, wrapping the cloth around her hand.

'How does it feel now?' Sophie asked.

Sian didn't answer. 'I'm going to get dressed,' she said, leaving Sophie with the splashed water and the broken china.

...

They didn't talk about it.

Not even as they sat side by side on the sofa watching pointless mid-morning television, which, considering how keen Sophie had been to chat about their last similar incident, struck Sian as rather strange.

In fact, they barely spoke at all, which led Sian realise that the only possible reason was that Sophie hadn't meant to do it. It had been a mistake, and Sophie wasn't talking about it because she didn't want it to happen again. So Sian positioned herself at the extreme other end of the sofa to Sophie, not wanting any inadvertent touching of their skin.

Just as Sian was about to announce that she was leaving, there was a knock at the door.

Sophie stood up to answer it, without a word to Sian.

Sian heard the sounds of the handle being pulled down and the door being wrenched open.

'What do _you_ want?' Sian heard Sophie ask the person outside.

'Is she in there?' asked Ryan's voice.

'What's it to you?' Sophie fired back.

But Sian had stood up and joined Sophie at the door. 'It's okay Soph,' she said. 'I'll talk to him.'

Sophie stared at Sian through narrowed eyes for a few prolonged seconds. 'Fine,' she said eventually. 'But he's not coming in.'

Sian grabbed her jacket from the hook by the door. 'It's fine. I'll go out.'

She shut the door behind her.

'I thought I'd find you here,' Ryan said as they walked away from the house side by side.

'What do you want, a medal?' Sian asked, folding her arms across her chest.

Ryan sighed dramatically. 'Look how long are we going to keep fighting Sian?' he asked her, stopping in front of her.

'Sorry,' Sian said. 'It's ... it's just been a weird morning,' was all the explanation she could come up with.

'Is Sophie still mad at me?' he asked.

Sian shrugged. 'She says she's forgiven you. But I think it'll take some grovelling if you want to be her friend again.'

Ryan nodded. 'Are _you_ still mad at me?' he asked.

Sian shrugged again. 'I just didn't realise you could be so hurtful,' she said.

'I didn't even mean it though,' he said. 'It was just some stupid comment. I didn't even think about what I was sayin',' he tried to explain.

'Well maybe you should 'ave,' Sian suggested.

'Yeah well I will now won't I?' Ryan answered.

Sian looked away, back towards Sophie's house. She could just about make out the movement of a curtain in a first floor window.

'Come on Sian, this is stupid,' Ryan reasoned. 'You still love me, I know you do.'

Sian turned back to look at him. 'Oh you do, do you?' she asked.

Ryan scratched his neck awkwardly. 'Well ... yeah. I still love _you_,' he said.

Sian softened at the statement.

She wondered if it was really that bad. So she wasn't earth-shatteringly in love with Ryan, but he loved her. He would look after her. He would put her first. Was that better than just to wait in hope for Sophie? Knowing that it might never happen?

'Come to school ball with me,' he said. 'Please?' he asked.

Sian bit her lip.

'Come on,' he encouraged, 'it can be a fresh start for us. I promise I won't be a complete div ... again.'

Sian let herself laugh slightly.

'Please?' he asked again.

Sian looked down at the ground for a few moments, before looking back up at Ryan. 'Okay,' she said.

Ryan's face suddenly lit up with delight. He leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to Sian's cheek.

Sian sighed.

Maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe she could do this.

Ryan grasped at her hand, entwining their fingers together as they started to walk again.

His clumsy digits brushed against the cut on her finger, ripping it open where it was beginning to heal.

It reminded of the problem: she could walk, sit, and lie beside Ryan all she liked, as if she was in love. But every time he was pressed against her it would hurt, as he tried futilely to shove himself into the tear that Sophie had left.

...


	8. Chapter 8

Sophie was refusing her calls.

Sian sighed in frustration as she hung up on Sophie's voicemail, again. It had been weeks since she'd seen Sophie, weeks since she'd spoken to her, weeks since she'd told her about her and Ryan. When she'd mentioned it to Sophie the day it happened, Sophie had acted strangely, making noises about needing to tidy the house before her parents got home and that it was best if Sian left her to it. So Sian had left, saying she'd call her later, and when she did, all she got was Sophie's voicemail.

Panic immediately set in around Sian's bones, and she redialled frantically, only to get the same result. She slumped down on her bed, glaring at her phone as if it was somehow to blame for all of this. But really, she knew it was her fault – her fault for being too scared to love Sophie, and for running back to Ryan because it was so much easier. Though, she reasoned, if Sophie had been so upset with her over Ryan, then surely she would've said something top stop her from going back to him. She sighed, turning up the volume of her phone so if Sophie was to ring, it would wake her up, and then settled down on her bed to wait.

But Sophie didn't ring, and Sian slept through to the morning. The second her eyes opened she was reaching for her phone, desperately scrolling through her call log to see if she'd missed anything.

Nothing.

And nothing the next day.

Or the next.

Or the following week.

Or the week after that.

Sian felt divided by hopelessness and anger. If Sophie was really this upset with her then why couldn't she just tell her? It was all Sian needed – just that one, tiny bit of encouragement that maybe, just maybe, Sophie felt the same way.

Her grades were suffering, she knew that much. She turned up to exams not even realising that she had completely missed half the syllabus off her revision list. She sat tapping her pen against the isolated desk in the school gym, not really caring much about photosynthesis or trigonometry, and gazing distractedly out of the window into the playing field, imagining Sophie racing through the paper at the speed of light, having time to read through at least twice afterwards, and then sitting patiently at her desk as she waited for the exam to be over.

'Eyes front Powers!' would come the stern orders from the invigilator, pacing the rows of hunched over, scribbling students.

It was completely by chance that Sian crossed Sophie's path one day in the street.

Sophie saw her, and immediately tried to change the direction in which she was headed, causing her to do a panicked swivel on the spot and to march off straight into a cluster of passing pedestrians.

'Watch it!' one of them snarled as Sophie tried to correct her balance.

'Sorry,' she muttered, glancing over in Sian's direction to check if she'd seen.

'Sophie!' Sian called before Sophie could move off again.

'What do you want?' Sophie asked as Sian walked closer to her, stopping once she was directly in front of her.

'I want to _talk_ to you,' Sian said. 'Why've you been avoiding me?'

Sophie sighed, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. 'I 'aven't,' she lied. 'I've just been busy.'

Sian looked at her sceptically, wanting to get to the truth, but not wanting to push her luck. She decided to change her tactic. 'How are your exams going?' she asked.

'Fine,' Sophie answered dismissively. 'Yours?'

'Rubbish,' Sian admitted. 'Turns out I know even less than I thought I knew, which wasn't a lot in the first place.'

Sophie failed to smile. 'Well ... good luck,' Sophie said before trying to walk off.

'Sophie!' Sian demanded. 'Will you stop? I _hate_ this. You're meant to be my _best mate_ and I've barely seen you.'

'Why do you care?' Sophie asked, clearly angry. 'Thought you'd 'ave all your time taken up with Ryan now you's two are back together.'

'I'm just going to the ball with him. We're not _exactly_ back together,' Sian clarified.

'Sounds pretty together to me,' Sophie snapped back, folding her arms.

'Look Sophie I don't want to fight with you,' Sian said, with the tiredness of someone who never saw a break from conflict.

'Yeah well you should've thought about that before you went running back to _Ryan_!' Sophie shouted back. She said his name like she was trying to spit a bad taste from her mouth.

'What do you want from me Sophie?' Sian asked, at a loss as to how she could fix this. 'I don't know what you want! And all I seem to do is the wrong thing!'

Sophie gave her a peculiar look, like she was trying to read her thoughts through her eyes. And then, completely unexpectedly, she said: 'Come to the ball with me.'

Sian's face took on an expression of utter surprise. Of all the responses Sophie could have come up with, she definitely wasn't anticipating a proposition like that. 'Come to the _what_ with you?' she asked, despite having heard Sophie very clearly.

'The ball,' Sophie repeated, like this was a perfectly rational request.

'I ...I ...' Sian stuttered.

Sophie stared back at her expectantly. Her arms were still folded.

'I can't,' Sian finally admitted. 'I've already said yes to Ryan.'

If Sophie was disappointed, she didn't show it. She remained stood in the exact same position, fixing Sian with her unrelenting stare.

Sian fidgeted awkwardly under its intensity. 'I'm sorry,' she found herself saying.

Sophie let out a sarcastic laugh, 'Yeah, me too,' she said.

'Don't be like that Soph,' Sian pleaded.

'You know what Sian?' Sophie said as she uncrossed her arms in order to jab a finger at herself and then Sian in turn, 'I may be confused about how I feel about you, but if _I'm_ confused, I don't know what the hell_ you_ are.' Then she turned from her and walked away.

Sophie's words sliced through her like blades. In her mind she grabbed hold of Sophie's arm as she turned from her, pulled her close and showed her _exactly_ what she was. But in reality, she stood very still, watching her go, until she couldn't even make her out through the crowds of people.

...

The pangs had started a few days before the ball, small and inconsequential at first, but increasing so greatly in intensity that by the day of the ball they felt like about ten knives twisting inside her. They came and went in waves. One second she was absolutely fine, getting ready for the ball, running curling tongs through her hair in front of the mirror; and the next she was writhing in agony, the abandoned tongs singing a hole in the carpet beside her.

She didn't think at that point that it was anywhere near as serious as it was, convincing herself it was a symptom of stress caused by exams and her disintegration of her relationship with Sophie, or even more simply, just something she'd eaten.

But not even Ryan was fooled as she stumbled beside him, clutching her side on the way to the bus stop.

'Are you sure you're alright?' he asked as she doubled over in pain for the fifth time since he'd appeared at her house to pick her up.

'I'm _fine_,' she insisted again, straightening up as the pain subsided and starting to walk forwards again.

Ryan gave her an unconvinced look, which she ignored, focusing instead on the bus stop which was now only a few paces away.

'Look if you didn't want to go with me you didn't have to make all this drama up,' he told her grumpily.

Sian stopped walking and spun round to look at him. 'Excuse me?' she demanded. 'Drama?' she repeated. 'I am not _making this up_ Ryan. Stop being such a sulky little kid!'

'Well do you want to go back then?' he asked, as Sian's face contorted in pain again.

'No,' she replied through gritted teeth, finally reaching the bust stop and sitting down. It relieved the pain slightly. She closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to ebb.

'Sian?' asked a small voice somewhere to her right.

Sian opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to see Sophie stood beside her. 'Sophie?' she asked uncertainly.

'Are you okay?' asked Sophie, sitting beside her on the cold metal bench of the bus shelter.

Sian gazed at Sophie, the way her hair fell effortlessly around her face, skimming her shoulders and the tops of arms, the way her dress hugged her slim frame, the makeup that lightly dusted her skin, intensifying the blue of her eyes and the pink of her lips.

She was beautiful.

There were no other words for it.

And that's when the most blinding, searing pain that Sian had ever felt erupted inside of her. It felt sharp and hot, like a bullet had been fired through her. She cried out, tears springing immediately to her eyes and she reached forward desperately, clutching at Sophie's arms for support as her body felt like it was flowing with acidic poison.

'Sian?' Sophie and Ryan shouted in unison, both rushing to get closer to her as she crumpled onto the bench .

All she could do was cry in response.

'What you standing there for like a massive pillock?' she heard Sophie demand of Ryan. 'Go get help!' she ordered, shifting herself so Sian could rest her head on her lap rather than stainless steel.

'R..right,' she heard Ryan say, followed by the pounding of his footsteps.

'S..s...sophie,' Sian managed to get out, the effort of actually forming words almost making her pass out.

'Ssssh,' Sophie replied, a delicate hand along Sian's hair. 'It'll be okay. You'll be okay. I'm here.'

Even though Sophie's voice was stricken with panic Sian, believed her.

Time passed. Minutes, hours maybe. Sian couldn't tell.

All she was aware of was the pain now. Somewhere she could hear voices, and the buzz of movement around her, possibly concerning her, but it drifted in and out of her consciousness. She felt a firm grip around her hand. The only rational thought in her brain, the only one that wasn't drowned out by the pain, was that Sophie was there with her.

...

Sian woke up in a bright white room that smelled of disinfectant.

She felt numb.

She flexed her fingers and toes to reassure herself she was still alive.

Squinting against the bright light, she noticed a figure sat beside her. 'Sophie?' she asked. Her voice was croaky, stinging her throat with its vibration.

'I'm here Sian,' said the figure.

The light was so bright that Sian had to close her eyes again.

Somewhere, through the haze of sleep and narcotics, Sian felt a soft, warm pressure against her lips. She heard sounds – not words exactly – but the soft lilting of a voice, curling around the sounds of hopes and promises. She struggled to clamber back into consciousness, wanting to hear those sounds more clearly. And then she heard it.

So soft, but so sure:

'I love you.'

And with that Sian let herself fall back into sleep, letting that love surround her, and carry her through to the morning.

...


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to every one who's commented on this story so far. I'm seriously addicted to writing it, so it's good to know there are people enjoying reading it as well :)

* * *

**

When Sian woke, there was a jarring brightness flooding the room. Sunlight bounced off the highly polished floor and the ward buzzed with activity.

She blinked rapidly, gradually letting the figure that guarded vigilant watch by her bedside come into focus.

It was Ryan.

'You're awake!' he said, his features relaxing into a weary grin.

Sian forced a short smile, her facial muscles drowsy and uncooperative. 'Hi,' she croaked.

'How do you feel?' he asked.

Sian assessed the question. She felt tired more than anything. She remembered being in pain, but she couldn't recall its intensity. In fact, as she struggled to remember anything of the previous day, she couldn't recall much about it at all.

Apart from three words.

'Where's Sophie?' she asked suddenly, neglecting to answer Ryan's question.

'She had to home,' he answered.

'Will she be back?' Sian asked.

Ryan shrugged as if it didn't matter, before reaching for Sian's hand and clasping it within his own. 'I was so scared about you,' he said, looking deep into her eyes.

'What happened?' she asked, realising that she had no idea.

'Appendicitis,' he told her. 'Yours proper burst and everything. They had to take it out.'

Sian suddenly became aware of a peculiar pressure in her right side, like her skin was being stretched across itself. She lifted the thin sheets of the hospital bed to find a surgical patch spanning from her right hip to the centre of her stomach.

'Will I 'ave a scar?' she asked quietly.

'Yeah,' Ryan answered. 'It'll be proper badass. You'll look well sexy.'

'Glad you think so,' Sian muttered, letting the sheet flop back over her. She frowned, her foggy memory trying to piece together yesterday's events. 'How did I get here?' she asked.

'You collapsed at the bus stop,' Ryan said. 'I ran to the Rovers and called an ambulance.' His gaze flicked down to his and Sian's hands briefly, and then he looked back up self-consciously, meeting Sian's quizzical gaze. 'They say it could've saved your life,' her told her, 'me calling the ambulance in time.'

Sian raised her eyebrows in surprise. 'Oh god,' she breathed, tightening her grip on his hand. 'Thank you.'

...

Sian was discharged the next day, after being given pills for the recovery pains and instructions for how to change the dressing and when to come back to have the stitches removed.

Ryan sat beside her in the taxi, his hand never loosening its grip on her own.

Sian stared out of the window, the houses and street lamps rushing by as if there was no end to them. She wondered briefly if in some parallel universe she _had_ died – Ryan hadn't called the ambulance in time, and he would be sat on his own in the taxi, with no one to hold onto his hand. She thought about Sophie, about Ryan breaking the news to her, how she would crumple to the floor and cry, and she suddenly had the overwhelming urge to see her.

'Can we stop at Sophie's?' she asked.

Ryan frowned at her. 'I think we should get you back to mine so you can rest,' he advised.

'I don't _want_ to go back to yours,' Sian argued, 'I want to see Sophie!'

Ryan looked taken aback by the ferocity of Sian's response, and he gave in. 'Okay okay,' he conceded, 'we'll stop at Sophie's first.'

And they did. The taxi swung round awkwardly at the front of the house, bumping abruptly as the front wheel mounted the pavement. Sian clutched at her right side.

'Watch it mate,' Ryan warned the driver.

But this act of chivalry went unnoticed by Sian, who had seen exactly what she wanted to see the second the taxi had stopped.

Sophie appeared at her front door and practically ran to taxi, wrenching the back door open and tugging Sian from the back seat and into a fierce embrace. 'Don't you _ever_ do that to me again, you hear me?' Sophie demanded of her, her voice muffled by the way she had buried her face in the crook of Sian's neck.

Sian clung to Sophie, her eyes drifting closed. 'I promise,' she told her softly.

They stood like that for a while, just holding onto each other.

Sian heard Ryan and the taxi driver discussing the fare, and she didn't let go; she heard the taxi pull off and drive away, and she didn't let go; she heard Ryan shuffle up beside her and clear his throat, and she didn't let go.

'Sian?' Ryan asked quietly.

Sian sighed inwardly and finally let her arms slip from around Sophie. She stepped back a pace and turned to look at Ryan. 'Yeah?' she asked him.

'I was thinking we could go back to mine and I could fix you some lunch,' she said.

Sian glanced at Sophie, who looked distinctly like she wasn't okay with that idea. 'Um ... yeah, okay,' Sian hesitantly agreed.

Sophie's expression switched from unimpressed to disbelieving.

'What?' Sian asked her, 'I can hardly say no after everything he's done for me,' she reminded her quietly, conscious of the fact Ryan was stood right next to her. 'You're working at the shop today anyway.'

'Cool,' Ryan said, happy with the result. 'Good to see you Sophie,' he said, slightly uncertainly as he took Sian's hand in his and pulled her away.

...

The second Sian stepped into Ryan's kitchen she felt awkward. What if Ryan took this as more than it was? There were little warnings scattered about the room: the flowers in a vase on the table, the music playing on the stereo, the plates and cutlery laid out like they were in a restaurant.

Ryan gestured for Sian to take a seat and set about collecting lemonade and lager from the fridge to make shandy.

Sian sat down, holding onto her side gingerly, as the simple motion of sitting down tugged at her healing incision. The small jolt of pain brought back a snippet of memory from the incident. She remembered Sophie being there when it happened, somehow.

She frowned.

Maybe she imagined it.

Ryan sat down beside her, pouring the lemonade into the glass he had brought to the table. 'Soup's nearly ready,' he informed her. 'That's what people like when they're ill isn't it?'

Sian smiled and shrugged. 'After that hospital food I'd be happy with a kebab,' she told him.

'Well I wanted this to be a bit more special,' he said, reaching for her hand that rested upon the table. The feeling of his skin against hers sparked another, clearer memory: Sophie holding her hand, cradling her head, running her soft fingers through her hair and telling her she would be alright.

'Ryan?' Sian asked. 'Was Sophie there? At the bus stop when it happened?'

Ryan frowned at the question. 'Well, yeah,' he answered. 'She waited with you while I called the ambulance.'

Sian's eyes widened. This whole time she'd been thinking that Ryan was the whole reason she was still alive. But really, if Sophie hadn't been there to look after her, god knows if she'd have even made it to the hospital.

As if on cue, that very second there was a violent crashing sound, and something distinctly Sophie shaped burst accusatorily through the front door.

Sian and Ryan both turned their startled gazes in the intruder's direction.

'What do you want?' Ryan asked her.

But Sophie didn't hear him. Her stare was fixed on Sian's hand, happily and unashamedly nestled within Ryan's.

'Sophie?' Ryan prompted.

But she was gone – turning rapidly around and slamming the door behind her.

Ryan looked questioningly at Sian. 'What was that about?' he asked her.

Sian looked guiltily back at him. 'Sorry,' she said, standing up and walking to the door. Her heart went with Sophie, and her body could do nothing more than obediently follow.

...

Sian found her out in the sunlit street, leaning against the security fence of her Grandad's builders yard.

'Soph,' Sian said softly, her voice lilting in a gentle plea.

Sophie remained facing away from her, her arms folded.

Sian edged towards her cautiously, walking around the stubborn girl to face her.

'Get away from me,' Sophie responded, flinging herself around dramatically and walking away.

'Sophie!' Sian shouted back, demanding the girl to stop.

Sophie spun round angrily, 'You know what? You _knew_ everything he was planning.'

'He wasn't _planning_ anything,' Sian assured her.

Sophie looked unimpressed. 'Oh I can hardly say no after everything he's done for me,' she said in mock repetition of Sian's earlier comment, using a ridiculous high-pitched voice that, in Sian's opinion, she sounded nothing like.

'Well I _couldn't_,' Sian reminded her.

'You wanna get back with him dontcha?' Sophie said. It was more of a statement than a question.

'No, I don't,' Sian told her, calmly and clearly, as if she was speaking to a foreigner with a poor grasp of English.

'You must think I'm stupid, I heard him!' Sophie shouted, barely stopping to take a breath, 'at the hospital telling the nurse you was his _girlfriend_!'

Sian was in the process of rolling her eyes in exasperation, but she stopped at Sophie's last comment. 'What?' she asked. This was new information to her.

'And then when I walked in he was all over you!' Sophie continued, ignoring Sian's interjection.

'He was pourin' me shandy!' Sian objected, the ridiculousness of this argument cementing itself with that comment.

'He was practically snogging you!' Sophie argued.

Sian completed her earlier eye roll. 'I don't believe this,' she muttered.

Sophie it seemed, did not share her attitude. 'Well I'm sorry for ruinin' your plans,' she huffed.

'Yeah well you couldn't be more wrong,' Sian told her, because, well, she couldn't. The wrong end of the stick was Sophie's apparent speciality.

'Yeah?' Sophie challenged, 'well go back and finish what you started because that's what I'd do.' And with one final scathing glance up and down the length of Sian's body she turned and walked through the metal-grate door. It creaked and rattled on rusted hinges and Sophie attempted to slam it behind her.

Sian stood motionless for a second before deciding, once and for all, that she'd had enough. A few seconds later she was following Sophie through the gate and into the yard

Sophie swung round at the sound of the gate, surprised to find that Sian had followed her. She stopped inches away from the stairs that led up to the office and folded her arms across her chest – angry, defensive, ready for round two.

'What do you want now?' she asked.

Sian didn't answer with words. Instead, she took a bold step towards Sophie, reaching a hand out and slipping it round the back of Sophie's neck. Sophie took a reflexive step away from her, which Sian matched, and Sophie found herself with the wall against her back and nowhere else to go. Sian pulled Sophie towards her, closing her eyes and capturing her lips in one breathless movement. She felt Sophie respond instantly, opening her mouth to Sian and wrapping her arms around her. As Sian kissed her, Sophie's hands rushed restlessly all over her back until they finally tangled in Sian's hair. Sian pushed Sophie into the wall as Sophie's lips nipped and tugged at her own. She heard distant moans, not sure if they were coming from Sophie or herself; they were pushed up so close against each other they may as well have been the same person. When she felt Sophie's tongue slip against her own, her brain dissolved into nothing more than white noise, and she pushed her body even harder against Sophie. Sophie's arms grappled against her back and her fingers clenched in her hair and upon the skin of her neck. Sian brought her hands up to Sophie's face, cupping it, running her thumbs along the lines of Sophie's cheek bones, like she was reading her without seeing, and committing every last touch to memory.

...


End file.
